When the Stakeholder Takes Over: How One Procurement Leader Reclaimed Control

Recently I worked with a Procurement Director who was struggling with what they called "the stakeholder from hell." Sound familiar?

This particular senior stakeholder had a habit of steamrolling meetings, dismissing Procurement input, and going directly to suppliers without consultation. My client felt like they were constantly in defensive mode, reacting rather than leading, and logging off at the end of the day feeling frustrated, losing their evening to overthinking.

"I dread our weekly catch-ups," they told me. "I walk in knowing I'll leave feeling diminished." It was getting to the point where this stakeholder relationship was keeping them up at night, debating whether it was time to move on just so they could escape this one person.

The problem was, apart from this powerful stakeholder, they loved where they worked and they felt that there were a lot of possibilities for their career within the organisation.

When their CFO offered to invest in some leadership coaching, this Procurement Director arrived at our first session feeling overwhelmed and dejected. But they also knew that if they didn't learn how to handle this stakeholder issue, they would see the same pattern emerge in another workplace (it wasn't the first time that a powerful stakeholder had made them lose sleep over their Procurement career).

The Turning Point

Rather than focusing on changing the stakeholder's behaviour (which we can't control), we worked on three key areas:

Understanding Communication Styles: My client realised they were speaking in Procurement language while their stakeholder operated in business outcomes. The disconnect was creating friction before they even got to the real issues. We put a focus on matching their stakeholder's communication style.

Identifying Shared Goals: Instead of viewing this as a power struggle, we mapped out what both parties actually wanted to achieve. Surprisingly, their end goals were more aligned than either had realised.

Building Self-Awareness: This was the game-changer. My client discovered their own patterns of retreating when challenged, which inadvertently invited more aggressive behaviour from the stakeholder. After identifying and implementing a more positive response, they were able to avoid being sucked into the stakeholder's power plays. 

The Results

After building momentum over 6 months:

• Their weekly meetings gradually shifted from confrontational to collaborative
• The stakeholder started asking for Procurement input before making supplier decisions
• My client reported feeling confident to handle conflict and tension positively, rather than retreating into the corner. 

The transformation wasn't about learning new negotiation tactics or communication scripts. Our focus in the coaching was more about understanding the dynamics at play and making conscious choices about how to show up differently.

And the shift was noticed immediately by the stakeholder and by my client's CFO. 

"We're now talking about my career future and they're inviting me to more strategic discussions".

Your Relationship Reset

If you're dealing with a challenging stakeholder relationship, ask yourself:

• What patterns am I unconsciously reinforcing?
• Where might our goals actually align?
• How can I communicate value in their language, not mine?

The most powerful changes often come from shifting what's within our control – our own approach - rather than expecting others to change. 

How Coaching For Procurement Ltd can help

Coaching For Procurement Ltd offers a full suite of coaching solutions designed to empower and support Procurement leaders and their teams; from Procurement team coaching through to ILM qualifications using the unique P.R.O.C.U.R.E® coaching methodology and frameworks, as well as 1:1 coaching. We work together on your inner game at these pivotal moments of your Procurement journey.

If you would like to explore a coaching approach to building Procurement's impact, please reach out to find out more: www.coachingforprocurement.co.uk/contact-me