How To Stay Confident When Leading A Difficult Team Member

Becoming a leader brings excitement, optimism and validation for all your hard work in your Procurement career so far. Feeling keen to make an impact, lead your team towards targets, and own your seat at the table on behalf of your team.

But alongside that excitement less expected feelings can often arise: imposter syndrome, overwhelm, panic, worry. All valid emotions - and they're not mutually exclusive with the positive ones either.

You have a capable and determined team. But now you're also spinning plates: supporting their development, managing team dynamics, and navigating how they respond to you as a leader.

And sometimes, one of the biggest threats to your leadership confidence isn't a failed project or a missed target. It can frequently come down to team dynamics. In this week's newsletter, we focus on that one team member who consistently challenges you, resists direction, or seems determined to make everything harder than it needs to be.

Managing difficult people comes with the job, but what you might not expect is how much it drains your energy and erodes your self-belief.

Why Difficult Team Members Shake Our Confidence

When someone on your team is consistently difficult, it's easy to start questioning yourself. Am I being too demanding? Should I be handling this differently? What if I'm the problem?

This is especially true for Procurement leaders, when you're often already fighting for a seat at the strategic table. The last thing you need is internal team dynamics making you doubt your capability. It can feel like a double whammy, handling expectations upwards and downwards.

Struggling with a difficult team member is not evidence that you're failing as a leader. But you do need to decide what your non-negotiables are and where you are willing to be flexible.

The Confidence Killers to Watch Out For

Overthinking every interaction. You start rehearsing conversations, second-guessing your tone, and wondering if you're being "too much" or "not enough." This mental loop exhausts you before the conversation even happens.

Taking their behaviour personally. When someone resists your direction, it feels like a rejection of you as a leader. But most of the time, their behaviour is about them - their fears, their frustrations, their own struggles with change or accountability.

Avoiding the issue. Courage always comes before confidence, and it can often mean that you need to take action without knowing the outcome. Sometimes it's doing the hard thing even when you're not sure how it'll go. Avoiding difficult conversations can undermine your confidence and add an additional weight to your leadership. 

How to Lead With Confidence (Even When It's Hard)

Get clear on what's actually happening. Strip away the emotion and the story you're telling yourself. What specific behaviours are problematic? What impact are they having? Clarity gives you something concrete to address, rather than a vague sense that "this person is difficult."

Separate their response from your leadership. You can be an excellent leader and still have someone respond poorly. Their defensiveness, their resistance, their attitude - none of that diminishes your capability. Your job is to lead clearly and fairly, not to make everyone happy. Get curious about their response - what do they need to get on board?

Have the conversation anyway. Your confidence will increase the more you tackle the situation head on. It means acting despite the doubt. When you avoid a challenging conversation, you're kicking a problem further down the road. Having the difficult conversation proves that you can tackle challenges head-on. 

Focus on standards, not personalities. Frame conversations around expectations and impact, rather than character judgements. "I need you to meet deadlines so the team can deliver" can be received very differently to "you're always so disorganised". Personal criticism invites defensiveness.

Know your non-negotiables. There will be some behaviours you simply won't tolerate - perhaps disrespect, undermining team morale, consistent failure to deliver. Being clear about your boundaries shows others where you stand and sets a tone for the team.

Take responsibility. If there is something that you think has contributed to the challenging relationship or you feel you could have done better with something, own it. Leadership is a learning curve - there are no perfect leaders. Wise leaders have made mistakes - and they've learned from them.

In Summary

Managing difficult team members will always be challenging - but finding a way to navigate the challenge will help you to build your confidence.

Confident leaders can doubt themselves, but they have the toolkit to move through the doubt. They recognise that having a difficult team member doesn't mean they're doing something wrong. They understand that it means they're in a position of leadership and that it requires handling complexity.

Your confidence as a leader is built on the foundations of knowing yourself well enough to steady the ship when things feel hard. 

And you're more capable of that than you think.

How Coaching For Procurement Ltd Can Help

Coaching For Procurement Ltd offers a full suite of coaching solutions designed to empower and support Procurement leaders and their teams; from coaching qualifications using the unique P.R.O.C.U.R.E® coaching methodology and frameworks, through to Procurement team coaching and 1:1 coaching.

Want to unlock the full potential of your Procurement team in 2026? Let’s discuss how coaching can drive impact in your organisation: contact me today:

www.coachingforprocurement.co.uk/contact-me