How To Respond When A Stakeholder Goes Over Your Head

We've all experienced this at some point in our career.

Someone escalates an issue over your head.

It can impact us more than disagreement or pushback. It feels like a judgement on your capability, your authority, or your worth in the conversation.

For Procurement professionals, this dynamic can play out frequently.

A stakeholder doesn't like your supplier recommendation or your pushback and goes straight to your director. Or you've exhausted all options with a stakeholder and need to escalate yourself, but you worry about damaging the relationship.

Escalation doesn't have to mean what we fear it means. It's not necessarily a reflection of your capability or your worth.

But it is charged with tension and dynamics.

Escalations and power plays will continue to happen. It's human behaviour that has been around longer than Procurement itself.

We might strive to eradicate it by putting strong policies in place. 

But what if there was a better way?

Our response to escalation - whether we're on the receiving end or initiating it - is something we can control. And how we approach it can either build productive partnerships or erode them.

When Someone Escalates Past You

Let's start with the confidence-damaging scenario: someone goes over your head.

The immediate reaction is often personal.

They don't trust me. They don't think I'm senior enough. They're undermining my authority. (Don't you just love those mind monkeys?!)

These thoughts arrive quickly and feel convincing.

Thoughts and feelings are not always facts. No matter how much they sting.

What could actually be happening is that the stakeholder has reached the limit of their own tools and influence.

They're frustrated, that’s for sure.

But escalation is frequently about their own discomfort with conflict, their lack of skill in navigating disagreement, or their genuine belief that a different level of authority is needed to break the impasse.

It's their move, rather than a verdict on your capability.

This doesn't make it comfortable for you, but it does change how you might respond.

Managing Your Own Reaction To Escalation

There's no hiding it – that initial flash of frustration or hurt is human.

The goal isn't really to eradicate that feeling. It's more about managing your response to that feeling and stopping it from driving your next action.

Before you respond, pause and get curious rather than defensive.

Ask yourself: what's actually at stake here for them? What pressure might they be under that I don't see? Have I genuinely heard their concern, or have I been defending my position?

Sometimes the honest answer is that you have heard them, you've been reasonable, and they're being difficult. Fair enough. But sometimes this moment of curiosity reveals a gap - a place where you were technically correct but didn't help them feel heard, or where your solution was sound but didn't address their underlying worry.

Responding Strategically

When someone escalates, you have choices about how to engage with the situation:

• You can engage directly with them first. Before the escalation meeting happens, reach out. Not to stop them or to be defensive, but to understand. "I know you've asked to involve the VP. I want to make sure I understand what you need from that conversation that we haven't been able to resolve between us." This often reveals the real issue and sometimes resolves things before the escalation is even needed.
• You can brief your leader properly. This isn't about getting your story in first, it's more about giving your leader context. "Mark has asked to speak with you about the supplier decision. Here's where we are, here's what he's concerned about, and here's what I think he needs to hear." You're demonstrating leadership rather than defensiveness.
• You can participate collaboratively. When the escalation conversation happens, your demeanour matters enormously. If you're defensive or withdrawn, you confirm their doubts about working with you. If you're open and professional - acknowledging the impasse whilst maintaining your perspective - you actually strengthen your credibility.

The escalation by the stakeholder doesn't mean you were wrong. It's more of a sign that there's a dynamic that needs a different approach.

When You Need to Escalate

Now the harder question: when do you escalate, and how do you do it without it feeling like you've failed in your influence?

We can sometimes end up waiting too long to escalate because it feels like admitting defeat. Procurement is supposed to be the department that navigates complexity, influences without authority and makes things work. Escalating feels like evidence that Procurement isn’t capable.

But we need to look at this through a different lens. Rather than viewing escalation as a failure, let's view it as a tool. Used well, it's evidence of good judgement.

When Escalation Is the Right Call

You should escalate when you've genuinely exhausted your own influence and the risk of not acting outweighs the discomfort of the conversation. This includes situations where you've tried multiple approaches and the stakeholder remains unmovable, the decision carries significant risk or cost that you cannot personally authorise or absorb, or there's a clear misalignment on priorities that needs senior visibility.

The key is that escalation should never be your first move or a threat, but it shouldn't be your last resort either. It's a timely intervention when the issue has outgrown the level it's currently being handled at.

How to Escalate With Integrity

The way you escalate matters as much as when you escalate.

• Tell them you're doing it. You're likely to avoid severing the relationship completely if you tell the stakeholder first, not your leader first. "I think we need to involve our respective directors in this conversation. Here's why I believe we're at that point." This maintains the relationship and shows respect. It also gives them a chance to respond, which sometimes shifts things.
• Take them on the journey with you. Lean into the unity influence principle, framing it as joint problem-solving, not a battle you're taking upstairs. When you do escalate, the message should be along the lines of: "we've explored several options and haven't found a path forward that resolves both of our concerns. We need senior input on how to balance competing priorities here."
• Be clear about what you need from the escalation. Are you looking for a decision? A different perspective? Air cover for a difficult message? Clarity about risk appetite? If you don't know what you're asking for, the escalation becomes vague, unhelpful and risks it just looking like a big rant.

The Underlying Pattern

Whether you're being escalated past or doing the escalating yourself, the underlying dynamic is often the same: someone feels unheard, stuck, or at the limit of their authority to resolve something.

Escalation becomes problematic when it's used as a power play - when it's about winning rather than resolving. It becomes healthy when it's used as a mechanism to bring appropriate expertise, authority, or perspective into a conversation that needs it.

The objective, as a Procurement professional, is to normalise escalation as a tool while also building the skills that mean you need it less often. That means getting better at understanding what stakeholders truly need, not just what they're asking for. It means being able to hold your ground whilst genuinely considering that you might be missing something. It means knowing when influence has reached its natural limit.

And when escalation does happen - in either direction - it means choosing a response with courage, conviction and curiosity rather than defensiveness or hurt.

Because ultimately, escalation is just a conversation that involves more people. It only becomes a judgement on you if you treat it as one.

How Coaching For Procurement Ltd Can Help

2 new free resources and an invitation to start 2026 well. 

Influence Calendar: Build your momentum in your influence using small consistent steps. Download January's calendar here. 

This January on the Procurement Pivots® podcast with my co-host Donna Bowden we are giving you a 4-part series of how to set up your 2026 for success in a sustainable way. Parts 1 and 2 are already available on YouTube, Apple a Spotify. Part 3 coming up next Monday!

And finally, if you'd like strategic coaching support for you or your Procurement team this year, get in touch now here for a confidential chat to see how I can help.